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heatray

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holy shit [Jun. 28th, 2007|10:00 pm]
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I just saw Transformers.

Imagine, if you will, the divine concept of awesome. This is awesome in its purest form. For the purposes of philosophy, we may imagine that it is a ball, roughly the size of the moon, floating in a vacuum. This ball is made up of zombies, ninjas and hot lava, with a good number of sharks and pirates thrown in.

Now imagine that we are able to extract some material from the very heart of this ball. We take this material to Denver, and set it on the ground, where it immediately turns into robots who have a fist fight that destroys the city. These robots are so awesome that they merely need to touch the ground, and an explosion happens. Lots and lots and lots of people die, and the robots kill the holy hell out of each other with giant machine guns and lasers and cannons that shoot ninja stars that have pictures of Mr. T's face on them.

Imagine also that these robots are befriended by a girl so hot that the guy sitting next to you literally has a seizure every time she appears on screen. Also the robots are sassy. They sass each even while killing the holy hell out of one another.

Congratulations, you've just imagined Transformers: The Movie. Go see it. My bonus depends on it.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: [info]xjuggernaughtx
2007-06-29 02:28 am (UTC)

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Ummmmmm....does that mean it was good? It's hard to tell from this if you are being sarcastic or not.
[User Picture]From: [info]iscari0t
2007-06-29 03:14 am (UTC)

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Does it matter? This is going to rule.
[User Picture]From: [info]xjuggernaughtx
2007-06-29 02:54 pm (UTC)

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It matters to me. I'm not one of those people that sees movies as so bad that they're good. Bad to me is just bad, and everything I've seen so far makes this film seem bad, so I'm surprised to see that Foe says that he enjoyed it. Some of my other friends have seen it and enjoyed it, too, so my interest is piqued.
[User Picture]From: [info]heatray
2007-06-29 07:04 pm (UTC)

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No no. It really is good. There's definitely stuff to bitch about, but the good so hugely outweighs the bad. . .
[User Picture]From: [info]iscari0t
2007-06-30 05:48 am (UTC)

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Ah. To each their own.

Personally, I can't imagine living life that way; seems like I'd probably have to take everything so... seriously? Explain.

Regardless, if you see it, I hope you love it, and if you don't, I hope you don't care. I just want people to be happy. =)
[User Picture]From: [info]xjuggernaughtx
2007-06-30 04:49 pm (UTC)

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I don't know what it is. I have a sense of humor, but it's very different than most of my contemporaries or from Americans in general. Maybe Forest can shed some light on it, since he knows me well, but I just don't find the things that most people find amusing to be amusing.

I can watch almost any sitcom or comedy film without cracking a smile at all.

I believe that it's situation comedy that is at the heart of it. I hate it. Nothing is less funny to me than seeing a person get into and out of a bad situation in the agonizing slow-motion that it is always done it.

Things like bad movies are kinda tangentally related. You know that the Jean-Claude Van Dam film is going to blow, but you watch it anyway for the bad lines and unbelievable plot. It's like you are watching the film as an ironic viewer rather than a cinematic viewer.

I am not good at this.

I have a friend that watches Cops this same way. I can't do it. It just pisses me off. These are the people that surround me. I have another friend that listens to Dr. Laura to laugh at the callers. The callers just depress me. I just don't see the humor in these things.

I like verbal humor and absurdist humor, as seen in british comedy, and in better episodes of the Simpsons. Sifl and Olly was probably my favorite comedy of all time.

Now back to Transformers, I will probably see it. I had written it off of my list, but a few people that I trust have seen it and like it, so I'm ready to take the risk. I'm just trying to set my level of expectation right around the first Fantastic Four movie.
[User Picture]From: [info]heatray
2007-06-29 06:43 pm (UTC)

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I don't know if I would call it good, but it was highly satisfying. It was like a really excellent episode of the original show, but with a lot more killing.

I think as a film-maker you'll find it as frustrating as you probably find any Michael Bay film, but as a fan, you'll leave mostly pleased. The one really glaring omission is that there's very little character development of any of the Decepticons. I left the theater excited to go see it a second time, and judging by the reaction of the rest of the people outside the theater, so did most other folks.
[User Picture]From: [info]rojagato
2007-06-29 02:43 am (UTC)

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But you just gave away the plot!

Of course I'll go see it. With my shoulder-joint UFOs hovering about me and everything.

Seriously, it sounds like fun.
[User Picture]From: [info]couplingchaos
2007-06-29 03:12 am (UTC)

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I have to wait until next week!
[User Picture]From: [info]heatray
2007-06-29 06:51 pm (UTC)

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It's worth the wait!
[User Picture]From: [info]panzerkunst
2007-06-29 03:13 am (UTC)

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Aha, that last line you wrote explains everything before it.
[User Picture]From: [info]madeofmeat
2007-06-29 03:16 am (UTC)

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Werd, but I'll probably see it anyway.
[User Picture]From: [info]brynndragon
2007-06-29 03:52 am (UTC)

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Woah, I didn't expect two reviews already (I probably should have expected this one, but I didn't think the sneak previews were gonna be until tomorrow). They both reflect the reviewer at least as much as the movie, which is entertaining.
[User Picture]From: [info]shnells
2007-06-29 04:45 am (UTC)

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oh well. with that kind of endorsement, how could one fail to go see it??
[User Picture]From: [info]miss_soap
2007-06-29 08:35 am (UTC)

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You've made me very happy. I am going to point people at your review.
[User Picture]From: [info]heatray
2007-06-29 06:52 pm (UTC)

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Please do! It's important that everyone know this is a movie worth seeing as long as you like robots and explosions.
[User Picture]From: [info]kynon
2007-06-29 09:09 am (UTC)

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I am here courtesy of [info]miss_soap...I am glad that this movie lacks suckage.

Roll on (or should that be roll out?) the UK release!
[User Picture]From: [info]heatray
2007-06-29 06:55 pm (UTC)

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There's definitely some dumb stuff, but it's not supposed to be Citizen Kane. It's the ideal summer movie.
[User Picture]From: [info]diamondsea
2007-06-29 12:39 pm (UTC)

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is there going to be a g.i. joe movie too?
[User Picture]From: [info]heatray
2007-06-29 06:56 pm (UTC)

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Rumors abound.
[User Picture]From: [info]pat_man_ta
2007-06-29 01:29 pm (UTC)

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WOW!

Really?

It's ACTUALLY GOOD?!?!?
[User Picture]From: [info]heatray
2007-06-29 06:58 pm (UTC)

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Oh yes. I mean, it depends on your definition of "good." Was Deep Blue Sea "good?" No, but it was extremely enjoyable, which is better than what one might call good. Good movies are often boring.
[User Picture]From: [info]_asenath_
2007-06-29 01:47 pm (UTC)

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That totally made me laugh. It would be my hope that it is as good as your review. The ninja stars part was my favorite.
I would go see it either way, it still has giant robots.
[User Picture]From: [info]heatray
2007-06-29 07:00 pm (UTC)

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There actually is one robot that shoots ninja stars, but they don't have Mr. T's face on them. Maybe in the sequel.
[User Picture]From: [info]mesatchornug
2007-07-05 02:39 pm (UTC)

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it was there in spirit anyway
[User Picture]From: [info]zerodivide1101
2007-06-29 02:34 pm (UTC)

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Was there a sneak preview, or do you have some kind of inside connection to the movie?

(In your journal by way of [info]rynsect)
[User Picture]From: [info]heatray
2007-06-29 07:03 pm (UTC)

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I work for Hasbro (packaging copywriter for Transformers and Marvel, so I write all the character bios and stuff). I was hoping to go to the BotCon screening (which was also last night), but the timinig didn't work out, so I managed to snag some sneak preview passes from one of our Marketing guys.

I have the hookup for all sorts of movies.
[User Picture]From: [info]cassel
2007-06-29 02:55 pm (UTC)

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where's the Zombie/lava/beheadings tally?
[User Picture]From: [info]heatray
2007-06-29 07:08 pm (UTC)

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See my followup post. . .
[User Picture]From: [info]cassel
2007-06-29 07:24 pm (UTC)

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awesome.
[User Picture]From: [info]justinbastard
2007-06-29 03:11 pm (UTC)

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This is the first time, in like 2 months, that I've been able to look at your comments page without my browser crashing.

Hooray!
[User Picture]From: [info]fusion_waste
2007-06-29 08:32 pm (UTC)

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Wow. You write the best reviews.
[User Picture]From: [info]mesatchornug
2007-07-05 02:41 pm (UTC)

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having seen it last night, every word in your review is more true than the last. all the way down to Mr T's face.

oh, and I forwarded this review to my office, because they need to see the movie

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